Unlikely Trail Running Terms

Trail Speak is a collection of ordinary words and phrases, but with alternate definitions that have meaning for trail users, especially runners.

401k - a 250 mile ultra marathon
Across the Board - how small streams are usually crossed
Alternative Energy Sources - fruit, bars, gels, liquids, etc.
Arch Rival - that little rock in your shoe that stays stuck under the middle of your foot
Carbon Footprint - tracks made by your new trail shoes with carbon fiber soles
Arms Race - the wheelchair event at a marathon
Binge Drinking - what many runners do at aid stations
Cap and Trade - what you do when the aid station volunteer hands you your first re-filled bottle
Child Molester - similar to a child prodigy, this kid demolishes you on the trail
Downsizing - the process of laying off some of your old running shoes
Dirty Old Man - a Masters trail runner
End Table - a platform holding the food and drinks at the finish line of a trail race
Dust Devil - a little demon that deposits dirt in every crevice of your clothes and body
Circuit Breaker - a runner who leaves the marked trail to cut across switchbacks
Cold Turkey - what you feel like when you do not dress warmly enough
Cloud Computing - studying the clouds to calculate whether you can make it home before it starts raining
Life Choices - deciding between the 50K and 50 mile races
High Definition - when you have been running uphill for over an hour, that's the definition of high!
Fill Dirt - the soil that finds its way into your shoes and pockets
Frequent Flyer - a trail runner who does face-plants on a regular basis
Iran - what you did today
Hot Water Bottle - that thing you carry on your back or in your hand on warm summer days
Go Pound Sand - take a run on the beach
Fossil Fuel - an energy bar you find buried in a drawer and discover it's a flavor they don't make any more
Heavy Drinker - a runner wearing a hydration pack and carrying 2 water bottles
Jiffy Lube - a quick stop to apply more Vaseline or Body Glide
Gear Shift - changing shoes, socks or other gear during a trail race
Handgun - a noise-making device used to start races
Exit Strategy - the story you thoroughly rehearse before deciding to drop out of a trail race
Hard Drive - what you usually make near the end of a race
Hotshot - the last swig of water in your bottle on a warm day
Eye Shadow - the small patch of shade created by your hat or visor
No Strings Attached - how most trail runners prefer their snot rockets
Microwave - the subtle greeting you reserve for mountain bikers you meet on the trail
Lip Service - an application of balm to your dry, cracked kisser
Line Dancing - hopping from one foot to the other while waiting for the port-a-potty
Marching Band - an ITB strap that rides up your leg as you run
Mashup - what eventually happens to all the gels in your pocket
LSD - Long, Slow Distance, known to sometimes cause hallucinations
Liquid Assets - the precious water supply you carry with you on long runs
Pass the Buck - something most trail runners will do eventually, whether they see the buck or not
Paperless Technology - taking care of business without toilet tissue
Overboard - how trail runners often get across small streams
Oil Embargo - how you restrict your dietary fat intake
Pink Slip - a minor fall resulting in a scrape but without drawing blood
Racial Profile - the elevation graph of a trail race course
Password - the lame thing you usually say when you overtake another runner
Porn - sexy pictures of the new trail shoes you want
Running Mate - your training partner or pacer
Return On Investment Analysis - how you decide whether to walk or run up a hill
Rock of Gibraltar - what the tiny pebble inside your shoe feels like
Reruns - multiple times around a race course that you've already seen
Racist - an expert at running races
Rain Check - an upward glance to monitor adverse weather conditions
Raw Oysters - severe chafing of a guy's...well, you know...oysters!
Red Tape - ribbon used for marking a trail race course
Sandbar - your nickname for the worst tasting energy bar ever
Sandman - the reason your trail shoes always seem to have sand in them; he refills them every night!
Sibling Rivalry - a fierce, sometimes bloody battle between adjacent toes
Shortstop - the ideal aid station experience
Save Face - something to do with your hands as you are falling down
Silent Night - dead batteries in your music player but not your head lamp
Secret Service - the covert operation of applying Vaseline or Body Glide to a private area
Skid Row - a steep downhill section with mud or loose rocks
Wind Advisory - a warning to your running partners that you had bean burritos for dinner the night before
Slip Cover - a cover move to make it look like you didn't almost slip and fall
Sock Hop - a one-legged dance performed after losing a shoe in the mud
Windbreaker - a runner who disturbs the quiet serenity of the trail with loud flatulence
White Powder - a suspicious unidentified substance used to mark trail race courses
Wood Shed - the act of dumping the twigs and wood chips out of your shoes
Wife Beater - a guy who finishes the trail race before his wife
Squatter - a runner taking care of business behind a bush
Wood Grain - the type of cereal that certain energy bars are apparently made from
Stimulus Package - an energy gel with caffiene
Strip Search - how you check your body for ticks after a trail run
Breaking Bad - when your high tech energy food package tears open at the wrong place
Swingers - trail runners who hand-carry their water
Trail Head - a habitual trail user, usually to the point where it interferes with work, family or school
White Collar - a class of trail runner identified by a shirt collar encrusted with dried salt
Utilitarian - a trail runner who carries more stuff on their belt than Batman
Whistle Blower - a lost hiker or runner trying to attract attention
Tree Hugger - what you may become if you lose your balance on a narrow forest trail
Vacuum Tube - the only thing you have left when your hydration pack is empty
Webmaster - the lead runner who clears the trail of spider webs
Weed Wacker - what your face feels like on a very overgrown single track
Recovery Act - when you make a nice recovery, then act like you didn't almost fall down
Bathroom - for trail runners, it's wherever you happen to be!
Core Values - your waist and hip measurements
Annual Checkup - doing the same trail race year after year to gauge how fit you are
Headline - the horizontal mark on your forehead left by a low-hanging branch
Paint Brush - one way of marking a trail by tagging trees and bushes with paint
Finishing Nails - the toenails that were still intact at the finish line of your last ultra
Trail Mix - a combination of single track and fire road with hills and creek crossings
Shady Character - someone who likes to run in the woods to avoid the sun
Fifty Fifty - a combined 50K and 50 mile trail race
Dirty Money - the funds used to pay for your trail racing habit
Brain Drain - the dull mental state caused by low blood sugar, heat exhaustion and high altitude
Man of the Cloth - a guy who prefers cotton tee shirts over the latest technical fabrics
Hard Core - a strong, firm midsection that allows you to run your best
Socialist - someone who would rather go on a group run than hit the trails alone
The Matrix - a confusing grid where you must find your bib number by looking up your last name
Social Climber - a person who likes to chat with others while power-walking up a steep climb
Home Run - a race held so close to home that you feel guilty if you don't register for it
Gut Feeling - not the sort of thing you want in the middle of a trail run
The Times Have Changed - your explanation for why your race finishes were faster a few years ago
A Marked Man - a guy wearing a race bib or bearing numbers on his arms and legs
A Cut Above - where the blood on your lower leg comes from
Shut Up - your strategy for running through a swarm of insects without inhaling any
Battle of the Bulge - struggling to get just one more thing into your pack before a long run
Upgrade - that portion of the trail that is neither flat nor downhill
One Night Stand - an aid station in the latter part of a 100 mile trail race
Weapons Carrier - a female trail runner with an air horn, pepper spray and a big knife
Gray Matter - scientific term for the stuff left behind when you step on a snail
Sign of the Times - the banner-sized digital clock they always have at the finish line of a race
Rubber Check - inspecting the soles of your trail shoes for tears or excessive wear
Take It on the Chin - what happens when you try to eat an energy gel without slowing down
Identy Theft - wearing someone else's bib who registered but couldn't make it to the event
Raw Recruit - a newbie trail runner with cuts, scratches, blisters and chafing
Get Nowhere Fast - a good description of the classic treadmill workout
Bug Out - your first thought after an insect flies into your mouth
Touch and Go - what you usually do at the turn around point of an out and back trail run
A Perfect Stranger - a passerby who has exactly what you need when you have trouble on the trail
Run Dry - what you can do if you prepared for wet weather by packing a rain poncho
Down and Dirty - your overall condition after taking a fall
Eat and Run - the bad table manners you exhibit at trail race aid stations
Ahead of the Pack - your position relative to the pack, assuming you are wearing the pack on your back
Quick and Dirty - how you might describe the winner of your local mud run
Hot and Heavy - how your water feels midway through a warm summer trail run
No Outlet - a complaint some men have about men's running shorts
On the Other Hand - where the other half of the crushed insect can usually be found
Fudge Factor - the well-known boost in running speed you get after eating a piece of fudge
Toolbar - a brand new energy bar with a free mountain bike tool inside
Ultrasound - a type of sound wave that can travel distances of up to 100 miles
Spring Forward, Fall Back - what many inexperienced runners tend to do in long trail races
Take Five - what you do when you see something you really like at an aid station
Round and Round - how you might describe the shape of both your water bottles
Finishing Touch - the handshake or pat on the back you often share at the end of a long trail run
Make a Run For It - something many cities do to celebrate a holiday like July 4th or Thanksgiving
A Number Cruncher - someone who wads up their race bib to make it more flexible before pinning it on
Root of All Evil - an insidious tree root that loves to reach out and trip unsuspecting trail runners
Beat the Bushes - something positive you can say about your last place finish in a trail race
Go Bananas - a good choice when you can't decide which snack to pick at the end of a race
Dust Bunny - what looked like a rabbit at first turns out to be a clump of dirt when you get closer
Run Interference - take the lead position to fend off spider webs, poisonous snakes, speeding mountain bikes and other dangers
No Fly Zone - something you create in front of your face by waving your hand, hat or bandana
Dry Run - something trail runners can enjoy even during a storm, provided they packed a rain poncho
Walk The Plank - what trail runners often do to get across small streams
In a Rut - where you sprained your ankle
Gathering Dust - what your trail shoes are always doing, whether you wear them or not
Keeping a Cool Head - running with ice under your hat
Friends In High Places - the members of your running group who are ahead of you on the climb
Street Walker - someone in the first stages of coming back from a running injury
Beat a Dead Horse - something you can probably do no matter how slow you are on the trail
Oxymoron - a trail runner who gets lost or makes dumb mistakes at high altitude due to lack of oxygen
Fork Lift - the only upper body exercise some trail runners ever get
Stick Up - the best defensive position when you encounter a dangerous animal on the trail
Charge Account - someone's story of how they went all out in a trail race
Flat Rate - a runner's average pace on a level course with no wind
Keep a Stiff Upper Lip - how to take a drink from a water bottle while running at full speed
Upper Hand - what you normally use to wipe the sweat from your brow
Pull Out All the Stops - a mathematical trick that can substantially increase your average speed over a long distance
Hit the Road - what most trail runners do when it's too muddy to hit their favorite trail
Knock It Off - what to do if a large insect lands on you
Bear In Mind - what trail runners in some localities have when they hear rustling in the brush
From the Ground Up - the part of you that is usually sore after a long, hilly run
Look Who's Talking - how to identify the fittest people on a fast group run
Hole In One - a sign that it's time to buy a new pair of trail shoes
Get Off the Ground - what you should do if you fall down on a hill of red ants
On a Slippery Slope - the basic idea behind your typical mud run
Spout Off - the reason you replaced your old water bottle
Kung Fu Grip - developed by ancient Chinese runners carrying water skins with their hands
Hold Everything - the reason you bought that pricey pack with tons of storage space
An Arm and a Leg - what usually gets skinned up when you take a fall on the trail
Way To Go - the first thing you ask about when you are lost and finally meet someone
An Inside Job - your workout on a rainy day
Shake Hands - all you can do if it's cold and you don't have gloves
Ears Are Burning - what happens when you forget to put sunscreen on your ear
Hold the Phone - something you can't do with a water bottle in each hand
Hit It Off - what to do if a big bug lands on you
Blow the Joint - cause an injury to your ankle, knee or hip
Lighten Up - lose a few pounds so you can run faster
No Hard Feelings - why you prefer to run on trails instead of concrete
Leave No Stone Unturned - a skidding descent where you send every rock flying
Breaking and Entering - what it feels like when you try to open certain snack food packages
Blow the Lid Off - what you usually do after dropping your water bottle
A Slap On the Wrist - how you take care of the mosquito biting your wrist
Press the Flesh - the self massage you usually do when something hurts
Bottle Feeding - getting calories as well as hydration from your water bottle
Wipe It Off the Map - what you do if you accidentally spill something on your trail map
Retire - what your body does after your second wind wears off
Escape Velocity - the speed necessary to break away from your running group
At Any Rate - how fast you have to go to be a trail runner
Don't Hold Your Breath - one of the secrets of successful trail running
Road to Recovery - any long downhill section of trail
On the Cutting Edge - when you fall on a rock, this is the part you always land on
Think Positive - what to do when your plan for negative splits isn't working out
Moving Up in the World - adding hill climbs to your training program
Silent Partner - a running buddy who lets you do all the talking
Made an Impression - what the rock did to your hand when you fell on it
No Sweat - the best thing about running in cool weather
Drop in the Bucket - what to do with your timing chip after the race
On Your Toes - a pretty common place to get blisters
In the Long Run - where you put a big chunk of your weekly miles
The Public Option - when you've got to go, but there's really no place to hide
A One Track Mind - always daydreaming about your favorite single track
Catch 22 - your single focus when you spy #22 just ahead of you in a race
Bat Around - something you don't mind on a night run filled with mosquitos
Down To Earth - where all trail runners go when they fall
Couldn't Hack It - why the gnat you inhaled stayed stuck in your throat
Monkey Business - the job of cutting up bananas for the end of the race
Let It Slide - why you use Vaseline or Body Glide on sensitive areas
Morning After Pill - the pain reliever you take the day after a brutally hard run
Go for the Jugular - how to take your pulse while power walking up a hill
At First Blush - how to tell when your running partner is becoming dehydrated
Know By Heart - when you can identify any local hill just using your heartrate
Have a Lot on Your Plate - your typical dining experience after a long run
The Great Unwashed - the crowd of finishers in your local mud run
Smear Campaign - the process of applying sunscreen to your exposed skin
Fast Friends - the people you know who are runners
Raise the Bar - the first step in eating an energy bar
Five Finger Discount - the great deal you got on a new pair of Vibrams
In the Short Run - when you are most likely to do your speed training
Fall Colors - sometimes red, but mostly black and blue
Bite the Hand That Feeds - the modus operandi of your typical blood-sucking insect
Pull Up Short - what to do when your bottoms are sagging too low
Overclocking - running with more than one gadget that tells the time
Dirty Joke - a funny story about trail running
Shower Stall - when you can't clean up right away after a trail run
Bladder Control - the bite valve on the outlet of your hydration pack bladder
Liberal Bias - the tendency to use more lube, sunscreen, etc. than you really need
Footloose - how you know when one of your shoes is untied
Lead Time - the gap you have over the runner behind you
Pocket Change - moving some of your running gear from one pocket to another
First Person - the one who wins the trail race, of course
Blue Tooth - an embarrassing condition caused by too much grape Gatorade
Fuzzy Logic - how to best describe your reasoning powers with low blood sugar
Seeing Stars - what usually happens if you stay out on the trail long enough
It's a Long Story - a 100 mile race report
Quantum Entanglement - a baffling phenomenon exhibited by certain brands of shoe strings
Lap Dance - busting a move to mark the completion of another lap on a multi-lap course
Bit by Bit - how to run through a swarm of hungry mosquitos
Bar None - how to describe the feeling when your last energy bar is gone
Front Strut - the showy stride you slip into when you find yourself leading the pack
Clock Frequency - the number of times per mile that you check your watch or measurement device
Tangent - a gentleman who obviously spends a lot of time in the sun
While Supplies Last - the best reason to get to the aid stations early in a race
Annual Rate of Return - the percentage of people who re-run the same race every year
Parting Shot - one last drink before leaving the aid station
Head Light - how you sometimes feel after running to the top of a steep hill
String Theory - the latest attempt by physicists to explain why your shoes always come untied
Side Effect - an intense, stabbing pain under the ribcage, also known as a stitch
Road IV - an upgrade to Road ID that automatically starts therapy if you collapse from heat stroke
A Perfect Fit - throwing a really good tantrum after blowing up in a trail race
Urine Sample - sometimes found in your shorts after encountering a dangerous animal on the trail
Level Best - your PR on a flat course with no hills
Unlimited Long Distance - a plan that would definitely appeal to an ultra runner
Rice Burner - a trail runner who eats only Clif Shots or other rice-based energy foods
Counter Attack - an onslaught by the first wave of runners to hit the aid station
Green Energy - that new green apple flavored energy gel
Lady Fingers - what you need to push the tiny buttons on your sport watch or GPS
Tank Top - one of those tall hills with a water tank at the top
Death Panel - the people who design brutally tough trail race courses
Cross Training - working out while you are upset
On the Fly - where your hand hopefully lands when you slap your leg
Goes Without Saying - how you describe your running partner who rarely talks
Ad Infinitum - a new running magazine containing nothing but ads
A Babe in the Woods - a great name for a children's trail running event
Zoom In - the best thing to do when you come to a stream on a hot day
Fuel Rod - a new cylinder-shaped energy bar to power your body's reactor
String Quartet - your four shoelaces blended into one harmonious tangle
Rock and Roll - basic advice on how to use a foam roller
Dark Matter - trail litter you carefully avoid stepping on
On the Rocks - the worst place to fall on the trail
Bloody Mary - a female trail runner with a skinned knee
Humanitarian - a mythical wild animal that feeds only on humans
Short Cut - how trail runners usually keep their toenails
Root Cause - the reason you tripped and fell at the last tree
Lightly Salted - how you probably taste after a trail run
Aftermath - the average pace calculation you always do at the end of a race
Pathologist - an expert at scouting out new running trails
Research - what to do after you've already searched your pockets for your car keys
Standard & Poor - your trail race results in a nutshell
Null String - a missing lace on one of your running shoes
Austerity Measures - how you describe your new, minimalist approach to running
Mudslingers - your shoes when you hit the trail too soon after a rain
Clean Energy - power food that isn't gooey and doesn't leave your fingers stained or sticky
Running Back - a relative of runner's knee that afflicts the backside
Best Man - the winner of the trail race men's division, of course
Moment of Inertia - that instant when you know you're going to fall, but can't stop yourself
Drill, Baby, Drill - an intense training program based on mindless repetition
Wall Street - your nickname for the steepest trail in the area
First Lady - the winner of the trail race women's division, of course
Balance Bar - the new energy bar that helps prevent falls
Biological Clock - an internal mechanism that tells you when it's time to go for a run
Left Behind - where the pain in your left leg sometimes originates
Ultraviolet - a type of wildflower whose strong scent can travel more than 26.2 miles
Oxygen Bar - the new energy bar that helps you catch your breath
Psychopath - Lauren's nickname for a trail that simply climbs and climbs and climbs
Foam Roller - an enhanced interrogation technique adopted by the CIA after waterboarding was banned
Bear Claw - something trail runners should probably avoid, whether in the forest or at the coffee shop
Blood Bank - how a mosquito views a group of trail runners
Cat Scan - checking the trail for evidence of mountain lions
Digital Computing - counting laps on your fingers
Plant Manager - the guy who trims the weeds and brush away from the park trails
Hottie - a dehydrated trail runner
Microchips - the stuff at the bottom of the snack food bag
Rock Bottom - the reason you don't want to fall down a steep slope
Feedback - the latest hydration pack that lets you suck gels through a tube
Web Browser - a runner on the lookout for spider webs across the trail
Train Track - a long, straight path to your training goal
Swat Team - both hands working together to ward off flying insects
Fencing - the art of scaling fences or locked gates in order to go trail running
Train Robbery - when another activity steals time away from your trail run training
Upwardly Mobile - someone moving up in the world, altitude-wise
Second the Motion - what to do after running your first step
Aqueous Humor - a funny story involving hydration
Slugfest - a crunchy run when the path is covered with snails
Irony - how you describe dirt with a bright reddish color
Decision Tree - Deciding where you are based on a tree that looks familiar
Erectile Dysfunction - leaning forward, not keeping your back erect while running
Magnetic Monopole - a walking staff with built-in compass
Footwear - thin soles from too much barefoot running
Bite Me! - the message you send to flies and mosquitoes with your sweat and body odor
Cookie Dough - the money you carry to buy snacks after your run
Debt Crisis - oxygen-deprivation so severe that you must stop to rest
Popular Uprising - a hillclimb race that everyone loves
Child Support - an aid station staffed entirely by middle school kids
Shooting Stars - the first thing you see after a close encounter with a low hanging branch
12 Step Program - a really, really beginning running plan that starts with just 12 steps
Pop Star - the aid station volunteer who treated your blisters
Shoot from the Hip - something a pain is waiting to do if you run too much
Nuclear Superpower - the new energy food that promises to dominate all others
Cold Cuts - minor scrapes from falling on an icy trail
Rate of Inflation - how fast you can fill your hydration bladder
Drag and Drop - how you got to the finish line of your worst race ever
Boring Beetle - a bug that is not interesting at all
Soft Tissue Injury - your kleenex tears while digging it out of your pocket
Dead Ringer - a sign you are in a remote area with no cell coverage
Under the Gun - where to find the RD at the start of a trail race
Scientific Paper - a high tech fiber matrix for wiping your nose while running